Up Yikes Creek

"Yikes" is my word of the moment. And I realize that no one has used "yikes" in normal conversation since Nancy Drew was all the rage, but I have a good reason. I promise.

One of my resolutions for 2010 (apparently, people still do that) was to stop swearing. This is a difficult confession for me because my swearing was certainly more than occasional. Maybe even borderline sailor.

I blame road rage.

"Yikes" has become one of my go-to faux swear words. I use it instead of, um...uh, another word that usually precedes words like "storm" and follows words like "holy".

Are you pickin' up what I'm puttin' down?

Another faux swear word I've added to my vocabulary is "eff". Okay, I know that isn't totally faux. And I know this because I would feel weird saying it in front of a child, or yelling it down the aisle in the supermarket (Don't forget the effing eggs this time!).

I get that I need to work on this one a little harder.

But, being a born and raised Texan, I've taken to "dang" and "durn" (the Southern version of "darn") quite well, and "heck" has also wormed its way into my verbal repertoire.

No problem.

And I am happy to report that for the most part, 2010 has been pretty swear-free. And by "swear-free" I mean that I've cut my swearing down by some kind of large percentage.

Just in case you're a visual learner like me, please observe:

Clearly, January was a difficult month, what with all of the conscious habit changing and all.

Faux Swearing was on the rise in February, and actual swearing was down (against all odds).

Faux Swearing took the lead in March. Hallelujah!

So here I am in March's homestretch, feeling pretty durn good about my efforts.

I'm sure some will argue that faux swearing is just as bad as regular ol' swearing, and to those people I would like to point out the tiny green slice of the pie known as Keeping My Trap Shut (which, if you'll notice, had a bit of a surge in February).

But, if you know me at all, you know I have real problems with that. Real problems. Like, the kinds of problems you never, ever talk about in mixed company.

In other words, I don't like green pie.


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